Adoption : FINALIZED!

Hello all! It's been nearly six months since I have posted, mainly because I am LOVING being a mom and spend my time loving the adorable child that is my son. I thought today was a great day to give an update. Jonah is doing awesome. He is healthy and thriving. He is an easy-going, relaxed baby. He's been sleeping through the night for several months now and has such a calm demeanor. He is freaking adorable, and only seems to get cuter as he grows.

Today is a huge day in our adoption world. We got up early this morning to appear in Florida court via telephone and finalized our adoption. It is now complete and as if Jonah was born directly to us! We are so excited that everything is completely official and gives us another day to celebrate the miracle that is our little man! We are overwhelmed at the changes we have experienced in the past six months. 7 months ago we were begging God to speed up time (and had been begging for the previous 2 and some years), now we feel that time needs to SLOW down a bit. Jonah is growing so fast. We can't keep up with how big he is getting. With every new stage though, we fall more and more in love with him. I never knew I could love someone so much and that love overwhelmed me the day that I met Jonah. It just keeps growing though. As we see his personality more and more, we just keep falling deeper and deeper in love with this beautiful boy. Man, being a mom is just the best.

Here is a photo of our family taken this morning, at 7 am, after our finalization hearing was complete. We are now official official. This is our family, and it's just awesome.

Our adoption Story

Ok blog followers, I apologize deeply at how far behind on the blog I am, but I am going to write a huge post to catch you all up.

After the most recent post, the following day on Tuesday November 3, I spoke with our birth mom on the phone. The phone call was amazing. After talking with her, I knew that this child was ours. She spoke the entire time referring to the child she was carrying as "your child" or "your son". She said that she knew she would carry this child, but would never be his mother and that he was meant to be our son. So at the end of this conversation, she mentioned that she really wanted us to be present for the birth of our son. I was so against it before but hearing how she referred to him as ours, we made the bold decision to go to Florida to be present for his birth. We only told the essential people as I had already gotten comments like "hope this one actually gives you the baby" from people when we were rematched. So to keep people from giving us unwanted comments like the one above, that, believe me, no one knew better than myself, we kept our decision to go to Florida relatively quiet.

Justin was of course away the week this all went down. He was in pennsylvania for work and I was so overwhelmed to be planning a trip to Florida all by myself and I left in two days! It was very overwhelming, but thankfully I have amazing family and friends that helped me get myself organized, clean my house, pack my bags, book my flights and drop me off at the airport. I left early on the morning of Nov 5. My entire trip down to Florida I had to not think about the adoption too much as I would just start to cry, I didn't want to be the crazy lady crying for no apparent reason on the flights, so I did hold it together pretty good.

I was picked up from the airport by one of the women that we worked with very closely from our adoption agency. She was so awesome! She picked me up and took me to the hospital where our birth mom was and we visited with her for several hours. It was such a cool experience. She let me feel him hiccuping and she even let me feel her belly so I could see how big he felt. It was a pretty cool night, I was sad that Justin wasn't there that day, but we really formed a bond. I saw so many similarities between mine and her personality, so that was really neat.

The next morning my agency lady took me to the airport where I met Justin and we got our rental car and then headed to the hospital where they were going to be starting the induction soon. It took a while to get things going, and we were able to hang out with our birth mom and get to know her a bit as well. We did have a bit of stress that was related to some situations that I'm not even going to talk about, so that was interesting and I'm just really glad it's over. But know that our birth mom constantly told us how much she loved us and that she knew this was our son, the stress was never related to that she wasn't going to give him to us. At one point she looked at me and said "I don't want you to think I am going to change my mind, I won't. This baby is yours". So that helped put my heart a bit at ease although it was a stressful time up until the papers were signed.

So again for strange circumstances and what not, our birth mom needed to have a c-section, which I was so lucky to be able to be in and witness my son's birth! It all went so good. Jonah Samuel was born on Nov 6, 2015 at 10:33 PM. He weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and was pure perfection. The most beautiful baby I have ever seen. He had a beautiful full head of hair and big pouty lips! So beautiful!

They took babe off to NICU and I was told we could go see him in about an hour. So I headed out to show Justin some of the pictures that I took - they weren't super good, I was so distracted about what was happening I kinda forgot about taking pictures. Then we went back to the recovery room and visited with our birth mom for a bit. She asked me if I would mind snuggling with her for a bit, so I crawled up onto the stretcher with her and snuggled her and she said to me "Promise me you will you take care of my boy", to which I started crying and told her that he would be so loved and spoiled for all of his life. We stayed with her probably for about an hour, then we went up to see the baby in NICU.

You know as confident as we were that he would be our son, I think both Justin and I felt a bit distant until the papers were completely signed on Sunday. When we went up to see him in NICU, we weren't allowed to hold him, but we took lots of pictures and video and talked to his nurse about how he was doing. He was doing good, he had to be on a small amount of oxygen, but was already being weaned off and had an IV in to give his some sugar water as he wasn't going to be eating by mouth quite yet. We stayed up with him for a bit then headed back to down to see our birth mom before we left for the night. When we got down to the labour and birth unit they wouldn't let us back to see our mom so we ended up going back to our place to go to sleep as it was around 1 in the morning.

The following day was hard. We went to go into NICU and we weren't allowed to due to some comments that were made by our birth mom. So as we waited for an hour to talk to a social worker. I had convinced myself we were going home without a baby. A doctor came out and told us what was said, which was vague comments which again I'm not going to mention but they didn't in anyway imply that she wasn't going to sign the papers. So after a bit of communication with our agency, we went and visited our birth mom for a bit. Then we ended up just taking a bit of a break from it all and going for supper together and trying to de-stress. There was a lot of drama that happened from the Thursday I arrived until the Sunday the papers were signed and both Justin and I felt stuck in the middle of it, not knowing what to do. But although the drama itself never involved us, and our birth mom and birth dad were set on us being this boy's parents, it was still incredibly stressful. So we didn't get to see our son at all this day and because of the comments made we actually weren't even allowed to have an update of how he was doing. It sucked a bit, OK ALOT!

Sunday we woke up and went to the beach! We spent a couple hours in the sun and playing in the ocean. On the way back to our place we got a call that our birth mom had spoken with NICU and that we were now officially allowed to go in and see the baby. We rushed to our place showered, and then headed to the hospital. We quickly stopped in to say hi to our birth mom and give her some flowers. She then told us we needed to go bond with the baby.

When we got up to NICU, we found our baby towards the back of the NICU, where the less intensive babies go. He would stay here his entire stay as he did so well. He had some jitters, but that was the extent of his withdrawal to the narcotics they had mom on. I got to hold him for the first time that day and I cried. He was so beautiful and I just wanted him to be mine. Justin said so many times while he was up there that he wanted him to be ours, but wouldn't feel that he could really hold him and be sure of it until the papers were signed. Even though I understood that too, he was mine as soon as I held him. I told Justin that he was coming home with us. We hung out in NICU for a few hours. Our mom left the hospital that day, so we helped her take her stuff out to her car gave hugs and farewells. She would be back to sign the papers in a few hours. We went to a pub across the street, had supper then went back to NICU to hold our son. I didn't want to leave until I received the call that the papers had officially been signed. I wanted to be holding him in that moment. Around 1135 pm we got the call that she had signed the papers and that we could breathe a sigh of relief. We got in trouble for answering our phone in NICU, but once I told the nurses it was because our birth mom signed and he was ours, they were more understanding. We stood up, both crying (my husband never cries by the way), and we shared our first group hug as a family. This boy was for sure our son. There were no take backs. He is ours. That was the best feeling of my life. And the stress of the past few days melted away, except for the cold sore that had formed on my lip.

Jonah did so well. He was in NICU for a week just to be monitored due to the narcotics. He never needed medication for withdrawals or anything. He was in a bili blanket for a couple days as he was slightly jaundiced but that was it. The day we got to bring him home from the hospital was cool and just like that they let us walk out of the hospital and bring this baby with us. I said to Justin "they're really letting us take him with us!" What a bizarre but amazing feeling.

The next day we had to relocate to a different hotel which was fine. We found one close to the beach and we were going to hang on the beach while waiting for all the paperwork needed to come home. Well, that same day we got a call that Jonah had some regular neonatal screening that came back as trending upward and put him at risk for a condition called congenital adrenal hyperplasia. So our first day out of the hospital we had to go back to a different children's hospital and get blood work drawn. Poor boy has horrible veins, they poked him like 6 times and he didn't cry at all. He is such a relaxed baby.

The next day we had a relaxed day and did nothing which was finally really nice! But the following day it all quickly turned back to running around fort lauderdale. We had to drop some stuff off at our agency and pick up some papers from them as well, and then we had to go get more blood work drawn on Jonah, and then we had to go see a pediatric endocrinologist to follow up with his blood results. We didn't get a confirmed diagnosis, but she talked to us about what the condition is (it's basically means his adrenal glands don't make cortisol), what symptoms are, what treatment is and that we need to get him into a Dr ASAP when we get home.

We were supposed to hear back from this Dr the next day, but we didn't. So we had a family beach day, did some shopping and packed up our stuff to go home the next day. We had our first family outing at Olive Garden (where else would I go, YUM!). It was a nice day. We slept for a few hours before needing to get up with Jonah around 3 ish and so we just got up fed him and headed to the airport.

Did you know that when you fly with an infant within the USA they don't require you to have any identification for the infant? That seems crazy to me. I said to Justin "I guess they are letting me take him at least to Minot!" We arrived in the world's smallest airport - I have never been to minot's airport, it's tiny - and were greeted by two anxious grandma's. My mom and Justin's mom both came down to pick us up. Did I mention that our little man was born on Justin's mom's birthday? And he is also her first grand baby? Happy birthday Grandma Jo! What a gift!

Although the wind was ridiculous that day, the roads weren't too bad. We made it to the border safely and spent about 45 minutes waiting for all his immigration papers to be processed and what not, then they let us enter Canada. So I said to Justin "They are letting us in the country! He is really coming home with us!" Not that I thought that he wasn't, but it all became so real when we got to actually come home with him. We were welcomed and overwhelmed with the awesomeness of our friends and family. Supper was ready for us when we came in the door, and everyone did quite well sharing the baby we've all been waiting for for years. Our fridge was stocked as was our freezer and we even had decorations and banners welcoming Jonah into our community. We are SO loved and SO blessed!

We have settled in nicely. Jonah is such a relaxed little man. He lets us sleep for 4-5 hours at night. He lights up our world. We arrived home on Wednesday Nov 18, Nov 19 we spent most of the day at ER of the general hospital just to get him into the system quickly for the potential CAH that he might have. They did blood work - all his electrolytes were normal which is good and they sent off his screening again. We were referred to appropriate Dr's and we feel so much more at east just doing all this in our own country!

Jonah's middle name, Samuel, means God has heard and it is honestly the most appropriate middle name ever. We felt that God was so silent through many times in our adoption process and although we grew a lot, it was still very hard and painful. When we got to the states and everything happened, God kept answering three years of prayers in about two weeks. It was insane and I can't even tell you all the prayers that were answered. All our travels were smooth, we only dealt with amazing people from airlines to the hospital to our adoption agency. Our son thrived in NICU as the staff waited for him to withdraw from the narcotics his mom was on, we have prayed for God's protection over him for three years, and God protected him. We were able to come home quickly (we were in Florida for less than two weeks) and safely with no problems with airlines, missing baggage or at the border. We are so blessed and thankful for how everything went. God is faithful and God is Sovereign. God is Sovereign is what I prayed every time a stressful situation came up. And it is true, God is in control and knows what's going to happen and takes care of us. We waited for a long time, but it was because we were waiting for this beautiful boy. And I can't imagine what life was like without him. And just like that, the last three years don't feel as long, and they were painful but totally worth it.

We just want to thank you all for everything. For prayers, for kind words, gifts and just spoiling us. We are overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and generosity. We are so blessed to have you all in our life. It's been pretty cool for us to not walk this road alone, but alongside all of you. How amazing it is to come home to everyone so excited about this little man! We have all waited for him, and the excitement and love that he had waiting for him here warmed my heart so much! Thank you for walking this road with us, we are so blessed.

The pictures I included on here are from the day that he was born. ENJOY!

Friday November 6, 2015

SO I am having a sleepless night, so I thought I would write a quick post for those of you who follow on the blog, but don't have me on facebook.

This past Friday I received a call from the adoption agency that notified me that our mom was currently in the hospital with pain that was unrelated to the baby. Because of the pain she is needing to be on Narcotics. Baby is looking great, but due to this pain (it's very vague, I know) our mom will be induced on Friday November 6, 2015. In case you aren't aware that's like five days away! Babe will need to spend some time in the NICU because of the narcotics that mom has been on, but holy smokes, we are having a baby this week!

Mom signs papers 48 hours after the birth, then we will travel after that! It's going to be a busy week full of cleaning and nesting. I can't believe it. We are praying really hard that everything will work out with this one, and that this little guy is indeed our son. I guess we will find out come Sunday.

4-5 weeks out

Hey Everyone! Here's a quick update for you all. So our birthmom is due 35 days from today (according to her dates due date) or 31 days from now according to the ultrasound, which is what I am choosing to follow. We received word that our mom has been admitted into the hospital with some sort of pain - not related to the baby - but she is getting the care she needs there. So we've been praying that she will heal quickly of whatever it is that is ailing her! Otherwise, we hope to meet this little guy in the next 2-4 weeks!

We spoke with our birthmom's caseworker on Monday. The call went great. Our caseworker is fabulous! She is a much better communicator than the one we had with our previous match which is such a great change! She says that she is expecting our mom to go into to labour sooner rather than later, just because she has been carrying quite low the last little bit. That baby needs to stay in for two more weeks! Then after that he can come whenever!

In the meantime, I have been working like crazy this past month, but am finally getting a week off after these last two shifts tonight and tomorrow night. I hope to get our house completely cleaned up and organized and ready for the baby in that time. Justin will be out of town next week, I hope to accomplish a lot while he is away!

Things to pray for: As always pray for our birthmom. Pray for her to experience peace in her decision and pray that she will follow through with the adoption plan. Pray for the baby, that he would be born full term and would be healthy! Pray for the exchange rate! As we quickly approach our due date, I'm experiencing a bit of anxiety with the financials, trusting God to care for us, but nervous of how much into the red we will be going. If the canadian dollar would miraculously jump, I don't know, like 20 cents, that would ease our financial burden significantly. Pray for us as we wait. Pray that time would pass quickly, as we anticipate bringing home our son. Pray that we would be ready to become parents as much as we can be! Pray that this one is for keeps! We are excited, with a bit of nervousness mixed in, for good reason.

We thank you all for the amazing support that you have been throughout this journey. We can't wait to get our little boy home and share him with all of you!

We're expecting.... again!

Well God sure has a sense of humour. Only a few hours after I posted my post yesterday, we received a call from social services that we had been matched with another expectant birthmom! Although we've been praying that our next match would be an instant placement where baby is already born and we travel immediately, we are happy with this one. Our little boy is due November 29 (or also Dec 3rd because she has been given two dates, but we go with the earlier one). We are excited, but a bit reserved and anxious, praying that this will be our baby. It is no surprise that there is a little fear as we wait for this one, but we are praying and praying that he is ours. In meantime we are excited that we are fully ready for a baby boy as we were stocked up on boy stuff for the last one. So now it's time to just start cleaning up my house and work like crazy to get more money in the bank because I'm going to be off work in like 5 weeks! Whew. So excited. But totally feel like I could vomit at any point in the day.

Please pray for peace for us but also for our birthmom. Pray that she is fully committed to this adoption plan and that our hearts don't get broken again. Pray that the next five weeks will fly by! Pray our baby will enter this world healthy and strong. We can't wait to meet him!

We're still here.

Hey everyone! Thought I should maybe write something to let you know we haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Here's what's been happening.

It has been 79 days since our adoption fell through (but who's counting?), and honestly I feel surprised that it's ONLY been 79 days. It has felt so so much longer. 27 days after our match fell through we were offered another match, to which we said no. Justin and I reviewed all the information on the potential match and we prayed and prayed and prayed about it. We talked to a few trusted family members and friends and all of us had the same opinion - that this child would not be ours. It was an incredibly hard day to say no to a potential match and I was really frustrated that God would even let it be proposed to us, but I guess it really proved to us that we are truly waiting for the child that is ours - not just any baby. I have always said I would say yes to any child because it's a child, so I guess that proved that theory wrong.

Since we received that proposal, we have really heard nothing. I talk to the agency every 1-2 weeks. They reassure me they are working to find us a baby. The last time I spoke with them they told us that they have several moms due in December that will be getting matched soon - so hoping that our baby is in there somewhere, but honestly not fully counting on it. Although I really hope and pray we have a baby this year, I've gotten to a point where it feels like I've been waiting for so long that it really feels like it will never happen. Although I know that it will, I feel it's best to not get my hopes up until something does happen. So I am finally going to stop having expectations, because all of them have been wrong so far. I expected to be matched within 6-9 months of actively waiting because we are a young couple with no kids who make a good living(here we are on our 21st month anniversary of actively waiting), I expected to have a baby in the summer and that our mom was set on her adoption plan (that didn't happen), I expected to get a baby 1-2 months after our match fell through because our agency puts us at the top of the list (it's been 79 days) and I expected that 2015 was going to be the year I became a mom, but maybe it won't be. I feel like I'm finally letting go of my expectations, and it's a good thing. Although it may sounds like hopelessness, it's not. I'm hopeful, but without a date or expectations in mind, because when it doesn't happen it makes it harder. I have also learned that when I trust God to wait for my children, that means it's up to His timing. I can't follow his will and then throw tantrums when it doesn't follow my timeline. God has a plan for us, He loves us and will make us parents in accordance to His will. Although I hope this is relatively soon, ultimately it doesn't matter because I have no control over it anyways.

Many times throughout our adoption plan I have said (whether to God, my husband, or close family and friends) if we are still waiting in X amount of time, I'm not going to be able to handle it. I said that in August 2014 about still waiting until this past August. I said that about my brother having a baby before me, which he did in August. I have said that about Justin's sister who will become a mother before I do in the beginning of December. I have said it about being childless another Christmas this year. But the truth is that I am FINALLY learning. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who has kids before me. It doesn't matter how long I wait. I will still be here. I always knew I wouldn't be able to wait this long and I wouldn't be able to handle this. But the truth is, is that God is good. He is good in the good times and he is good when it's bad. It's HIS strength that has pulled me through many dark months of waiting. It was HIS strength that held my hand when I found out that I wasn't going to be a mom in August. It was HIS strength that allowed me to go back to work and still love helping women meet their children for the first time. It is HIS strength that lets me keep waiting and prevents me from having a complete mental breakdown. God is good, all the time. I can't wait until he blesses us with children. I have no idea and no more expectations of when that will be. I'm just going to focus on getting through today first.

We have been so blessed with many amazing people around us and again want to thank you all for the love and support. I hope it won't be long until we can share our joy of becoming parents with you all. But until then we will just wait and trust that God knows what he is doing.

The worst day ever.

Hey everyone, so I thought I would write a bit of a blog for those that follow our blog and aren't friends with us on facebook.

One week ago today, we received a call from our adoption agency letting us know that they had decided to pull our match with our birthmom. They felt she had changed her mind about the adoption. This was the day before she was supposed to be induced, so we aren't sure whether baby was born and she started changing her mind or if she was still waiting to be induced. From the sounds of it the communication started getting a bit distant between our birthmom and the agency.

We have since heard nothing about this baby, so as it appears now - this child is not going to be our son. We were devastated hearing the news, but we have actually been a bit surprised how well we are doing. We lost a significant amount of cash in this failed match which has been actually the most frustrating part of it all (after grieving the fact that we are not getting the baby of course). We have worked hard to fundraise, and it's really frustrating how in an instant a lot of that money is gone. So we are dealing with our anger towards the situation.

The plus side to everything is that our agency really tries to get us another match as quickly as they can; they put us immediately to the top of the list (we're number 1, we're number 1!). I spoke with the agency yesterday and our profile had already been shown to another mom, 6 days after our match fell through. We are really hoping and praying that a match comes quickly and that it is an instant placement, meaning that baby has been born and all papers are signed. That way we know that baby is ours and there is no fear that it could fall through again.

We have been overwhelmed by love and support, as you are all so amazing. So thanks. We are settling back into normal life in which it feels again, like we will be waiting for an eternity.

Please pray for us. It seems like everyday I have new emotions with the situation, it all kind of feels like it was just a dream. Excitement for a baby, and then back to the junky feeling of the never ending wait. Almost like the 9 weeks we were matched never happened. I'm not sure what is going to happen. We know and trust that God has a plan in all of this, even though this isn't what I would have planned for myself. You can also pray for me as I go back to work next week, which I feel like is the most disappointing thing that I'm dealing with. I love my job, but was so excited to have the next 8 months off with my new baby, but that's not happening. So it's back to everything again. We are quite disappointed, but still have hope that we will be parents, and hopefully soon!

Thanks for all the love! We are truly blessed with an amazing community of friends and family around us!

6 days overdue update.

Ok everyone, here is an update on the situation.

Our birthmom went and saw the doctor today. She has no indications that she is going to have this baby anytime soon. They are sending her for some bloodwork tomorrow and then they are going to start talking about the possibility of induction. I'm not quite sure when they would induce her. All we know is this baby doesn't seem to be coming anytime soon.

We were supposed to be on holidays with Justin's extended family. We were supposed to leave on Thursday last week and I'm really kicking myself for completely canceling our trip. I really wish we had still gone. Everyday feels like a week, I'm really feeling for all you ladies who went overdue with your babies! This truly is torture!

So we are still waiting. No need to ask if we have heard anything, because all of you are pretty much hearing the same thing we are.... silence. We will keep waiting impatiently for our little man to make his entrance into the world!

Baby update.

Hello everyone! I thought I would give you all a bit of an update on everything.

First, our fundraiser on July 10th raised us another $1711 towards our adoption! With that we are done fundraising! I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who has supported us financially in the past two years. With some EXTREMELY generous donors we have raised over $44,000 in the past two years! Thank you! With the exchange rate at the awesome place that it is, our adoption is going to be costing us around $50,000 plus travel expenses, so we are feeling incredibly blessed that our financial burden has been made significantly less because of all of you! So thank you!

We are still waiting for this little guy to be born! We are five days from his due date and anxiously anticipating his arrival. Today would be a good day to be born (it's my birthday) so that would be the best birthday ever! We have a hotel room booked from now until mid-August that allows us free cancellation if cancelled the day before. So everyday we cancel a day. Really hoping we can go soon!

We haven't talked with our birthmom again, but we have been told that she is really ready for the baby to come. We are supposed to get an update from the caseworker later today as she is meeting with our birthmom today.

We are getting super excited and hope that he doesn't go ten days overdue! I'd be losing my mind! I have three more shifts at work until I'm off for parental leave. C'mon baby!!!

This anticipation is crazy. Can't wait for the day that we can announce him to you all!

Thanks again for all the love and support. We have been truly blessed by all of you and we are overwhelmed with your generosity.

FUNDRAISING!!!

Hello everyone! I just wanted to do a quick blog post to catch you up with what's been happening with us in the past few days. We got to talk on the phone with our birth mom yesterday, which was so awesome. We got to know her a bit better, know what her interests and likes are, and we also got to share her a bit of who we are. She said she loved our profile and connected with us because we looked very happy and very family focused. This made my heart happy in that we were able to accurately portray who we are in our profile. The conversation went well and it made it all feel so real! She said she is hot and ready to have this baby. Florida is hot all the time, but apparently it's a hot year this year and it's been up over 40 degrees celsius! She is currently 36 4/7 weeks pregnant, and although we would LOVE for this little guy to come early, none of her other babes came before their due date. So we are just trusting that God's time will be the right time!

In the meantime, the cost is overwhelming and we are getting in some last minute fundraising. Thankfully I have people planning the fundraiser for me, as it stresses me so much trying to get people to come to these things. I hate feeling like a burden to people and money/fundraising stresses me out. But I want to tell you something cool. On Thursday I got up and did my devotions before I headed to work. I prayed and told God that I was trusting that he take care of the financials. I had a good but busy day at work. When I came home I brought in the mail and hung out with Justin. I opened a letter we had received and it had a very generous money order in it from an anonymous donor. So I just want to say thank you anonymous for your generous donation to our baby fund! God is amazing and provides for us, so we are trusting him to continue to do so. So in the continued spirit of fundraising I want to let you guys know of our final fundraiser coming up on July 10. It sucks that is is summer and I know many of you will be away or planning on doing other stuff, but I really pray and hope that you would consider coming. It's a supper catered by Charlotte's catering at 6 PM on July 10 at Celebration Church 3130 Renfrew cres East, Regina. Tickets are $25 adults, $15 for kids and kids under 4 are free. It's just a meal, no silent auction or raffles. We do hope you would consider coming and making this night a success! If you are unable to make it but want to support us with a donation, we will accept that too! Just connect with us by either phone, email or Facebook and we can set up a time to connect with you. Our paypal button also still works on the right hand side of the blog here, so if you'd like to give that way go for it!

We ask you continue to pray for us as we are nesting for this little one and as we anxiously await his arrival. You can pray for our birth mom that she will feel peace with her decision. Pray for our son that he makes a safe entrance into this world. Thanks for the love! We can't wait to introduce you to our son.

C'mon clock, tick a little faster!

Hey everyone! I thought I would give you guys a bit of an update since it's now been a couple weeks since we have been matched. Our agency has been so crazy busy, in the last couple weeks there have been 20 families matched with pregnant moms. It's so wonderful! But at the same time it means that they are super busy and at times the communication is lacking. We have talked with our birthmom's caseworker a couple times now, and we were supposed to skype with our birthmom yesterday, but unfortunately she had an urgent situation to tend to. So we are hoping to reschedule our skype for sometime next week.

To answer some questions as we have been getting a lot of those. Yes we do know details about the birthmom. For the most part we are keeping a lot of those details private as we want our child to hear about his biological mom from us, not from someone else who may not present the details the way we would want them to be presented. But what we will tell you is that we feel very confident in our match. Although no match is guaranteed until papers are signed after baby is born, we feel at peace with our situation. Our birthmom is not a teenager and this is not her first pregnancy. We feel that these details put us at ease as she knows what to expect and has done this before (not the adoption thing, but the having a baby thing). Our birthmom is also African American, so needless to say we will be adding some chocolate into our family! We are researching how to care for his hair and skin as it is so different than ours! Any tips from people with experience with the AA hair and skin type will be appreciated (thanks in advance)!

We won't be going down to Florida to get him until the papers are signed which will be two days after he is born. Once those papers are signed, she can't change her mind, it's final. We will be in Florida 7-10 days depending how long all the legal stuff takes to be finalized and what not. So now we just wait for a call that we can make travel arrangements to go get our boy. In the meantime we have a countdown on to his due date (33 more days!), and we are working on having another fundraiser. I don't have final details, but we are looking at having another banquet/supper type fundraiser like we did at the beginning of our adoption process. The date will be likely at the beginning of July. We would love for you to come and support us! Besides my house, the estimate for our adoption is the highest bill I have ever received (even without factoring in the CAD to USD exchange rate), so we would love to see you at the fundraiser! If you can't make it and want to give something our PayPal button to the right is still functioning! stay tuned for the details. I will post them when I have them!

I also want to just mention how excited and thankful I am to be sharing this journey with you all. Many people go through the ups and downs of infertility and adoption in silence. I have felt so loved and cared for in this process And I am so thankful that you all have been so loving. When we got matched the agency warned us about sharing our match with everyone just in case it fell through. But we know we would have that many more people loving on us if that were to happen. The amount of free stuff I have gotten in the past week is crazy. People giving us clothes, formula, and other baby items. We are just so blessed to be able to do this journey with all of you! So thank you, we are overwhelmed with your love and generosity. And we truly can't wait for all of you to meet our son!

My hardest task now is to not just sit and watch the clock. 33 more days, and it seems like that is so far away! We just can't wait to meet this little guy. It's been a long journey, and it now has an end date: July 22 (he better not go overdue, I'll be going crazy).

The best day ever.

So, yesterday was officially the best day ever. I was woken up in the morning from a call that came from social services.

Man on phone: "Hi, it's Kevin from social services. I have a child proposal for you!"
Me: "are you serious?" (Kinda yelling)
Man on phone "(laughs) I wouldn't lie to you about that!"

After a bit more chatter on the phone, I rushed out of bed and started looking for some clothes to put on (we have some friends staying at our house so I couldn't just run around in my underwear) and I called Justin.

Me: (screaming) "someone picked us, someone picked us!"
Justin: "what? Are you serious? I'm coming home right now."

My friend Kristin heard the commotion and greeted me outside my bedroom door and we shared a tear filled hug and celebrated that this was finally happening. Then as I waited for Justin to get home so we could look at the child proposal together, I called my mom and my sister and made them both bawl profusely while at work (you're welcome ladies).

Justin pulled up, we viewed the proposal and we have since accepted the proposal. Here's the scoop.

Our son is due July 22/15. That is 48 days from now or 6 weeks and 6 days. He is healthy and I already know he is going to be the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. His birthmom said she instantly connected with our profile and wants him to have a stable two parent family.

We are so excited, it still feels like it's not real and is still sinking in. But I can't say that I am going to have a son without crying. Yesterday was a very long busy day of running around and filling out appropriate paperwork, sending the agency money and phoning all our close friends and family. But it was the best day ever.

We will be planning on having another fundraiser in the coming weeks. I have no idea what yet, but this is where all the money gets spent and we can use all the help people are willing to give us! Keep your eyes open for updates on here about the fundraiser and we hope you all can make it!

I am so excited to finally share some amazing news with you all! 2.5 years later - I am going to be a mom!

Update

Hey everybody! It's been a long time since I have posted and I will share a bit of why. Justin and I have been so open (as I find it easier to struggle openly rather than in silence by myself), and I have done my best to be careful of what I am saying so that it's a real portrayal of where we are at, but not just me complaining all the time either. I want to be real with people because I, in turn, want to have people be real with me. The reality is that we all have people out there that are just negative, who have opinions about anything if it allows people to hear them talk. And unfortunately I have been a bit discouraged as people that really have little to no interaction with me and have probably talked to me only a couple times ever - decide they are the appropriate person to tell me that I'm not doing this or I'm doing this wrong, or they just flat out minimize the things that I am experiencing by saying "at least you have a husband because I don't" etc etc. And although I am far from a people pleaser, I do have feelings and get frustrated when people feel the need to say words that benefit no one and do more harm than anything. So I have had to refocus myself and thank all the people who have actually walked this road with me, who haven't judged me when I messed up (because I do it all the time) and who are the true definition of unconditional love in my life. It's easier for people to judge and give their unwanted advice - so thanks to everyone who is just there and feeds me real truth when it's needed! This road is long, tiring and hard. Thanks to people who listen to me vent about the same things over and over - and especially for not minimizing what I am feeling because we struggle with different things. I am truly blessed with many great people in my life! Your words are the ones I should be hearing not the few negative ones.

I also wanted to give an update for those of you who would like to know the status of our adoption. Mother's Day was a tough weekend for me, as I can recall the last couple years on Mother's Day when I would say to myself "next year". And as we know, next year keeps coming and we are still in the same spot. But thankfully we got an update the day after Mother's Day that really lifted my spirits and encouraged me. We are moving up the list with great speed! We are now number 11 on the African American list and number 12 on the Caucasian/Hispanic list. What this means for those who don't know how it works is this. The people who are waiting the longest are closer to the top of the list. When a mom comes in, they see what criteria the mom wants in a family, then the agency finds families that have matching criteria in what they want in a birthmom and the agency starts pulling family profiles from the top of the list. So your profile is more likely to get shown more often when you've been waiting longer and that ups your chances of being picked! So our spot on the list (here we come top 10) is exciting but I was most encouraged that we were shown twice in the past four weeks! We are getting closer! Hoping this journey will end soon, but not necessarily relying on that, as we don't know what God has in store for us, but we know that He is good and that's all we need.

Thanks for continued love and support. Although I've been frustrated with people's ignorance, I get more good comments then the bad. I love getting the Facebook messages from people letting us know they are thinking of us and praying for us. Those messages mean so much more than you know. Thanks for being awesome and loving, we are truly blessed. Looking forward to the day that we can share the excitement of actually having babies with you all!

Happy new year and wishing you the best for 2015!

Hey everyone, so it's 2015… that's crazy talk. I wanted to wish you a happy new year and give you a few thoughts on where I'm at as we move into a new year.

I honestly thought (and hoped and prayed) that 2014 was going to be the year we were matched and got to start growing our family. 2014 was a long, trying year for us, and I've been surprised with how long we have been waiting (even though the agency told us the average wait time is 9-18 months). I have met a few families over the past couple years who have adopted through our same agency. They were matched in about 6 months of active waiting. So I thought for sure that would be about what we would wait. Well, January 22 will mark the day of ONE YEAR of active waiting status. It's been a long year.

Part of me felt like "2014, what a waste of a year" when the year ended. But I feel like that attitude would not only slap God in face with all that he has taught me this year, but that it also makes it seem like I don't trust in God's perfect timing. I do trust that God's timing is best, but I am also getting rather impatient, and have been for a while.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7 that we need to "ask, and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you". And I was saying to God, have I not been asking enough? But only a few verses before that in Matthew 6 he also says "Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you". So I am challenged to make sure that during our wait I am still seeking God first, and a child second. God should be my biggest desire, not having children.

As I look at the struggle 2014 was, I pray that 2015 will be better and that we will have a family soon.

I also want to wish all of you a happy new year! I want to thank you all for your continued love, support, and prayers as we go through this tough time. We love you all and are very blessed with the people that surround us! Hoping to bring good news of our adoption to you soon!

Here comes Christmas!

Hey everyone, I wanted first off just to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope your holidays are filled with joy, family and lots of love! Of course Christmas is a very important celebration in our Christian faith as we celebrate Jesus being born and becoming the man who would came to save us all! This is truly the most wonderful gift that anyone could every receive, so thank you Jesus!

Christmas time - as much as I love it - has been a bit tough. The tradition of giving gifts just seems to be meaningless and is starting to frustrate me. I know as a child, I was so self centred and would get everything I wanted for Christmas because I was spoiled rotten. This year as we have a few gift exchanges happening within our family, I find that not only do I not need anything - I don't want anything. Or at least I don't want anything that anyone in my family can give me. This Christmas I would like to become a mom, but I'm not sure that I will be getting what I want for Christmas this year.

It's been such a roller coaster the past few weeks, because I had been doing quite well. People had been encouraging me a lot and it was good. But along with all those things, I have also been feeling a lot of spiritual warfare happening within myself: waking up several nights a week to bad dreams, having days where all I can hear are lies that relate to how I am feeling, and experiencing a complete lack of all motivation to do anything including getting out of bed. This roller coaster is very frustrating to me.

Justin and I have been faced with some stuff we aren't sure about as well. I had contacted the agency and in the past they had told me that our profile had been shown 1-2 times to potential birth moms. In this past email they said that we haven't been shown at all and this is very unusual for how long we have been waiting (picture heart being stabbed here). So I'm not sure where the confusion has taken place or really what's going on there. Justin and I had briefly considered changing our range of acceptance, but feel that we aren't comfortable doing this. It's been a frustrating week. Not sure that there is really anything that we have control over in this time. And trying to keep my trust in God knowing that it will work out when the time is right, even though the longer this goes on it feels like the time is getting wronger and wronger. I know I have absolutely no control over this issue, but God does. So keep praying that he would remember us, sometimes we feel extremely forgotten about.

As we enter into the Christmas season, I just want to encourage you to help or bless someone who needs it. I'm finding that because we are in a tougher spot this year, that Christmas is feeling a bit difficult. SO pray for the people that you know are hurting, try to bless those who are in need. We have so much, and I feel so incredibly guilty watching the ridiculous amount of money that is spent to spoil children who don't have a single need. But there is plenty of need out there. Try to bless someone who needs it this Christmas season. I believe those are the gifts that are meaningful and what giving gifts is truly about at this time of year.

Merry Christmas!

Ouch.

There are so many ways that this adoption has changed our lives and our hearts. Some of them are pretty obvious and easy to see, a lot I have shared with you all on the blog. One thing though that has surprised me in this experience, is how our hard time has really revealed to us who the people are that we can trust. We have had such an amazing experience in that we have received love from people we never expected it from. And at the same time we have received the complete opposite from people that we were expecting to love us. It's just weird how life is sometimes. Thankfully, our experience has been more positive than negative, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your love and support. We have been overwhelmed by your kind words and prayers for our family, so thanks!

I would like to clarify a little something though. I had just got yet another wonderful, encouraging message from a friend who said how I have been going through such a hard time, but doing it with grace. Part of me laughed a bit, because I don't feel like I'm graceful at all and that's because I'm not. But I wanted to clarify that if you see grace in this experience, then you are obviously seeing God's grace, because it's not mine. He is making me able to get through this messy time, and it is certainly anything but easy.

As I was driving home from the gym today, I had thought of an analogy (and I'm really quite proud of myself for it, so sorry if it sucks) for what it's like to push into God during the hard times. I know I have said many times that God uses the hard times or the valleys in our life to help us grow - which hurts - but is also really effective if we let him do it. So here it is. As many of you know, I am a nurse on Labour and Delivery. I help deliver babies - it's wonderful. But having a baby is hard work, and any mother who has gone through this will know it. When women go into labour, they are aiming for their cervix to reach that 10 cm mark so they can push that baby out. Having experienced a lot of pain up until this point, they may think that the worst part is over, but in reality it's still to come. Once that cervix is open, the woman can freely push with her contractions to help this baby be born. So in other words during the most painful part (contraction) the mother needs to push down long and hard, directly into the pain, to get that baby out. And it's not like two pushes and that baby is out (ok for some people it is). Some people with their first baby can push for 2-3 HOURS, before delivery. And the pain gets more intense as the pushing continues. Baby starts to move down, stretching tissue that has never been stretched, tearing it in some places. Physical and emotional exhaustion begins to set in, many moms will reach the point when they say "I can't do this anymore". It's hard work, but thankfully she has people there including lovely nurses to tell her "you're almost there, let's push again, keep going". The moment of the most pain comes right as that baby is being born, and then with a final push through the pain, the mom has the most beautiful moment of her life when she meets her child for the first time, how amazing. (I am truly blessed to witness this at work all the time).

This is my analogy of what it has felt like to go through our adoption. I feel like things got hard and we got through them. But then things got harder and God was like, now you need to push into me, against the pain. It hurts so much when something tough is happening, and it hurts to grow and stretch and learn through the process (especially in areas I don't want to be stretched); but at the end of it all it is way better than if I didn't push. For the moms that I have dealt with that didn't want to push - it made everything much harder and prolonged (for everyone). Pushing into the pain as scary as it is, for most moms actually feels better than not pushing. I think that's the spot that God wants us to be in. A place that hurts, but it would hurt more if I did it by myself, with my selfish ambitions in the forefront. Choosing his will for me, pushing into him when it hurts, and growing into a person I wouldn't be if I hadn't experienced this, makes the experience worthwhile. I often tell women not to waste their contractions because you need to push with them to help that baby move down. In the same way I need to not waste my time in the valley, I need to push into Jesus and learn what he has to teach me. It's in the hard times that we grow the most. And when I've had the days when I put my arms up in the air saying "I can't do this anymore", I have amazing people to encourage me saying "You are doing this, keep going, almost there".

I don't know if this analogy makes sense to you guys as much as it clicks to me. And maybe some of you think childbirth is gross and you didn't want to hear this (I was pretty filtered). And maybe some more of you think it's weird that I'm speaking about my adoption through an analogy about childbirth. I just know that this really spoke to my heart today. As things begin to hurt more and more I'm trying to push into Jesus more and more. Because maybe just like childbirth the most painful part is right before you get to meet your baby for the first time. And as I'm pushing into Jesus, part of my heart says "no, this is too hard", but I am blessed with coaches encouraging me and reminding me that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

Obviously, our adoption is talking about YEARS in time, not the hours or days of labour, I just really thought this was a good representation of what I feel like, having to push into pain, when the existing pain already feels unbearable. Being stretched in places I maybe didn't want to be stretched. But the end result is the most beautiful thing and I can't wait to see what that looks like God, so bring on the pushing.

I am blessed

Today I am thankful for the things that I have. I am so blessed.

I am thankful for the family and friends that God has placed in my life. That they would love me enough to do life with me without judgement even when it gets messy. I am so blessed to have my family, they speak so much truth into my life and do so in love. And when I'm hurting, like I mentioned on the blog years ago, they crawl into bed and cry with me. This is love. This is friendship. I am blessed.

I am also blessed to be able to witness other people's adoption stories take place. Getting matched, meeting the child, having them in your home. That is such a blessing for me to witness and the excitement within me can hardly be contained. Soon it will be us.

I am so blessed to have an amazing husband, who remains solid and steady when things get tough. Who is always there to make me laugh when I'm crying, and to remind me that God hasn't forgotten about us. He cleans the house when I don't have the energy to do so, and never complains about it or tells me that I should have done these things. I enjoy his company, and he is going to make the best dad to our children. I am so blessed.

I am thankful that God has saved me and that he loves me so much that he continues to stretch me so that I may grow into maturity. I am thankful that he doesn't leave me where I am but continues to challenge me to go deeper. I am thankful that I relate to other people that I wouldn't have before and can truly love them as someone who knows exactly what it feels like to walk the road of infertility and adoption. I am thankful that God has pushed my limits so that I could fully trust him. It's been a long, painful road and the journey is far from over, but it's been worth every step.

I appreciate the journey that we have been on, and even though I am anticipating the end, I know that the timing is going to be perfect and better than anything I could have imagined.

We are so blessed. Thank you for continuing to journey through our adoption process. We love being able to be open with you, and have felt such love and encouragement from all of you! I appreciate all the messages that I have been getting from people reading the blog; your encouraging words mean more than you could ever know. So thanks(and keep them coming)! We love you all.

It's really quite easy to focus on what is going wrong in life, and believe me I know I do this all too quickly. So I want to challenge all of you to think of the things that you are blessed with and what you have to be thankful for. I never thought that I would be thankful for things like infertility… but I'm glad that God has taken us on this ride. We're better because of it.

I am blessed.

Change of Heart

When I wrote my most previous post a few weeks ago, I was in a bad place. I was having a hard few weeks and life circumstances were really impacting me more than they should. I was feeling incredibly down and hopeless and like I had been dropped into a hole and forgotten about. So I kind of moped in that for a bit, but thankfully have been brought up out of that.

I had really lost sight of what my purpose in life is, and truthfully my purpose isn't to be a mom. But sometimes my desire to be a mom takes over my life and then when I realize how long I've been trying to become a mom, I get a bit hopeless. Thankfully, God uses these dark times in my life to stretch me and help me grow. Here's how I have grown in the last couple weeks.

Justin and I were getting ready for church a week and a bit ago, and everything was just wrong that morning. My hair looked stupid, I was too fat to wear any nice clothes, I had nothing to wear - it was such a spiritual battle for me to even get to church that morning. But I needed to be there.

Our pastor spoke to my heart that day. My eyes were opened to how completely self centred I was and how my prayers were all about me getting a baby, and getting it NOW! I have since started praying that God would change my heart so that I would be willing to accept whatever HIS will is - even if that means I will never be a mom. For me, this has been such a huge transformation, I feel like my eyes have been opened to how selfish I am. And although I feel like my heart has already changed, it's still a battle within me because I still want my baby to come today, right now. I don't think my desire to be a mother will ever leave, and I do believe that God will make me a mom, but I am trusting that he knows the time that will be the right time. We can't rush his perfect plans, you know.

It was not just me who had a heart to heart with God that day. Justin shared with me that he had been really trying to listen to God's still voice and he heard "I haven't forgotten about you". We feel like we have been forgotten about quite a bit. That was a big encouragement to us.

Justin had also read through the book of Job recently, and he talked about how faithful Job was to God through all his suffering and how easy it would have been for Job to 'curse God and die', but instead he remained faithful and God blessed him so immensely at the end of it all. We don't know the plans God has for us, but he knows the plans he has for us and it's to give us hope and a future.

As someone who isn't very good at 'being still', I have really been focusing on the verse "Be still and know that I am God". And literally all I need to do is be still. Calm my heart. Calm my thoughts. Sleep at night. God's got this. He's God. Be still. Rest in him. This is way harder to do than it sounds. But in the past week or so that's all I've been saying to myself; be still. Because I'm not good at being still I have also found out how horrible I am for living in the moment. I find I'm always rehearsing things in my head or planning for the future. What I've been doing now is telling myself not only to be still, but to also be present. I will never get to live this day again, so why waste it?

This change in how I've been praying has changed my life quite a bit. I have been doing devotionals on nearly a daily basis, which is ridiculous because it has always been a struggle for me to be consistent with this. My heart is changing, and the moment I realized I needed to pray differently, my attitude was not one of hopelessness. It was one of Hope. We have Hope. Jesus is our HOPE!

Because of all this, my last week and a bit have been way better than the last few months have been. I feel more like myself again, which is relieving. But I still struggle with wanting to get my way… So I will continue to perfect the art of being still and being present. God knows the day we will get our babe, and with him on my side, that's all I need.

Continue to pray for us. Pray for our hearts to change and submit to God. Pray for peace and for us to be still. Pray for God's will to be done - not ours.

Just keep waiting...

Well, here I am yet again writing a blog post months after my previous one, because unfortunately I don't have much to say anymore. I'm getting tired, exhausted. I don't think people really know the pain and frustration of waiting until you have to do just that. I have a few thoughts that keep running around in my head lately, so hopefully I don't ramble too much for you.

I've been really trying to "reason" with God lately, in my own throw a good ole' temper tantrum type of manner. I am constantly just telling God that I am so done with this whole thing and at the same time hoping that because I told him that I am done that he would give in to my demands and just give me a child. Unfortunately, (as most parents will agree) giving in to temper tantrums isn't the best form of parenting… so I don't think God will be giving in to my demands. So then I go onto just straight out demanding things like "God I will expect a call from the adoption agency TODAY". Ya, that didn't happen. Once again, God doesn't negotiate with terrorists (me). It's not like I really have anything to threaten him with really… all different methods of me trying to get what I want. And still here I am.

I'm trying to not become just a negative nancy, but I feel like I have a tendency to lean towards the negativity of a situation. And let's be honest I have been overly positive for much more of this experience than I was expecting. And I know it's because I do have hope, but right now I'm starting to feel utterly hopeless.

As I only have a few people that I have been completely real with on a daily basis (Justin and my family), I feel like the smile that I put on for people when they ask how the adoption is going isn't right anymore. I had a lady at work telling me that it must be hard for us to wait when another lady jumped in and said "oh, it's not hard, it's exciting!". Yes, it was exciting, two years ago when I started this process. Now I'm just tired and becoming oh so hopeless. I know it will be exciting, the day that we get to meet our child, but right now we are talking about a day that feels like it's never going to happen… I really think I might just give up and become a crazy dog lady.

I really enjoy my job, but I'm finding that because I had planned to be off on maternity leave like a year or more ago, that some days are just hard. I will be overly emotional about things that don't even matter because I'm just tired and exhausted. I am getting so close to just being done… but I don't know what it would even look like to just straight up give up, because I would then still be childless, and I'm pretty sure that this desire to be a mom isn't going to be fulfilled by large amounts of dogs...

I had so many expectations for our adoption, and that's probably a huge problem with all this. I expected that we would wait maybe six months and then we would have a baby. I expected that anyone who read our profile would love us, because we are fun, awesome people who just want to love a child. I expected to be done waiting by now. I expected that it wouldn't be this hard. I expected that people would have more understanding of how painful this process is, especially friends. I expected understanding from friends, but somehow managed to alienate them. I expected that I would have kids by now.

Because I think my expectations are a big part of why this is so hard (Justin does amazing because he has no expectations, he just trusts that everything will happen when it's right. Psh, what does he know?) I am trying to adjust my expectations to not having expectations. But now new expectations are arising. I'm expecting 2014 to be a write off, we will not have children this year. I'm expecting every other person in the world - adopting or not - to have children before I do, because that is how things seem to go. I'm expecting that I won't be able to mentally do this much longer. I'm expecting that I will give up because I feel like I have nothing left in me to give. But even with all my negative expectations… I still am in tears thinking of the moment that I get the call, the moment I get to meet my child for the first time, the moment my family gets to meet them. I guess that tiny bit of hope and excitement that I get just thinking about those moments, that's why I'm still going. Because that day is bound to happen sometime soon, isn't it?

Life Lately….

Hey everyone it has been such a long time since I posted, so I thought I would give a bit of an update. Justin and I just got home yesterday from our 3.5 week long trip to Australia. We were blessed to be able to go there to stand up in my brother's wedding. He married an amazing Aussie and they will be starting their marriage off in Canada. The day was so beautiful and I loved being able to be there! We had a great holiday and are just trying to readjust from all the jet lag (yay 16 hour time difference, NOT).

In the meantime our adoption still feels like it's going nowhere. We have been waiting since January and haven't heard anything yet. The most frustrating part for me is that I honestly expected to be chosen by now, and we haven't. It's hard to learn to have absolutely no expectations… but remain hopeful at the same time, which unfortunately isn't very easy.

As we enter different stages in our adoption process I am surprised by all the different emotions that have come up. Some have surprised me, some I kind of expected. Here are the things I have been experiencing lately.

As I have healed through the process of our infertility I have moved past being able to handle pregnant people, like I work on labour and birth so I obviously am able to be around people having babies. What I am finding really difficult is the people who were having babies when our process started that are now having more babies. I feel like they are so greedy, having all the babies, and I'm just waiting-still.

Another thing that both Justin and I are experiencing is just a bit of frustration. Our home study expires October 3rd, so we need to have an updated home study to the agency by then or we are put on hold. So we start our home study next week. I'm thinking that the home study shouldn't be as bad as the last one, but we were a bit stressed during our home study last time. Please keep us in our prayers, I again had the expectation that we wouldn't need to do a home study update.

The last and newest thing that I have been having troubles with is hearing people complaining about their kids or watching how angry people get with their kids. I know that being a parent will be stressful, and everyone has their moments, but I would love to have a sleepless night with my baby. I would love to have a child to discipline. It's so easy to take things for granted like your kids, especially when you don't know the pain of not being able to have them. So please, stop complaining about your kids via Facebook or by mouth and just be thankful that you have that little person to love, because you aren't getting any sympathy from me.

Please continue to pray for us as we start our home study update next week. Also pray for continued peace and patience as we trust in God's timing. Also pray that God's timing is soon! I am thankful that we were able to have another trip to ourselves, we are feeling refreshed, although rather jet lagged. Thank you so much for following our story, and hopefully soon we will have news to share with you all!