Banquet fundraiser = HUGE SUCCESS!!

We just want to thank each and every person that came out to our banquet last night. It was a huge success! In total we had about 130 people come, which completely blew us away! Our Silent auction was pretty amazing. We made some serious cash from it and want to thank everyone who donated items! Thank you so much for your generosity. Our silent auction last night raised us $3525.10 towards our adoption! Huge!!

We wanted to give you the final number overall of what we made from the banquet. Between ticket sales, the silent auction and the generous donations of people we raised.... drumroll please.... $6137.60!!!!

I have been doing a horrible job at keeping the thermometer at the right balance, so today it is taking a GIANT leap all the way up to $9615.41!!! We are nearly one third done our fundraising! Thank you so much for all your love, support and generosity. We are well on our way to getting our baby!

In case you missed it here are a couple pictures from the night, one from the auction, one from our Q & A time that we had. I meant to get more pictures throughout the night, but was quite busy visiting with everyone!


We want to send out a huge thanks to our pastor, Blair who MC'd the evening and did a fantastic job! Thanks to my sister and brother in law, Courtney and Cameron who helped so much in the organizing and running of the event, and also to Kristen who made the center pieces. Thanks to everyone who helped tear everything down and clean up after. We were so blown away!

Thanks for your generosity! We wouldn't be able to do any of this without it! You are all amazing. We love you so much and thank you for all your prayers, love and financial support.

Banquet!

Hey everyone! So we are less than a week away from our banquet. Tickets sales are doing awesome, we have sold about 80 tickets so far and I think in total we will be around 100 people for the day of, so if you haven't got your tickets let us know and we will get them to you! I have been blown away from the generosity of everyone and I wanted to give you guys a bit of a sneak peak to some of the items we are having for the silent auction and as raffle items.

We have A LOT of items! We have kitchen items, stuff for the car, electronics, artsy stuff, baking, and even one item that is really big, about 40 inches I think. We've got something for everyone! Can't wait to see you guys there!

FYI: I know that we are calling this event a banquet but you guys can dress as fancy or as casual as you wish!

What's with the suffering God?

So I know that no one wishes suffering on themselves, and even though that I would love to be able to get pregnant easily, these are cards that I have been dealt, and I know that it was for a reason. So many of us during times of suffering kind of sit in our little corner and cry to God saying, why me? Believe me, I've been there many of times. But as I'm maturing, I have really begun to learn that it is during these times that we are able to grow the most. Throughout the ups and downs in life, it's not the mountaintops that challenge you to grow, it's the valleys. The darker times of life can be really difficult, but they are a time for incredible growth and change. Rather than fighting this growth, I'm trying to embrace this time in my life and find out what God has in store for me.

There are a few things that I have learnt so far. The first one is that I'm not alone. As someone who hasn't maintained a lot of friendships and was bullied in school, I don't trust people easily and really hate meeting new people. I like sticking with people I know and playing it a bit safe. I also do not like to ask for help from others. God has really been challenging me in this area. It's really important for us to be "members of one body" and step up and help each other out when needed. How are people going to know if there is a need, if you don't ask? I have been blown away by the amount of love and support we have gotten during this time. It's been pretty neat. I've even had the pleasure of forming new relationships and making friends with people I didn't really know before, what a blessing! At the same time, I have also been able to relate with people in their times of hurt with infertility issues, so that's a really cool thing too.

A big thing that I am learning is to trust in God's provision. To trust that because he has called us to adoption, he's not going to leave us hanging with a $30K bill. Planning the fundraising banquet has been busy and stressful. Selling tickets - I hate selling things and feel like I am burdening someone every time I ask. I know that whether we have 80 people or 300, God is going to provide what is meant to be provided at that time. I am learning what it really means to give everything to God, and just leave it at his feet. I need not be anxious about this.... God's got it.

Another lesson I have learnt is that I have a really cool husband and I should enjoy the time we have to ourselves. I have really struggled in being content in the now. I always look forward to the future. Constantly wanting what's next. I often compare myself to other people my age and tell Justin if it was a race, we're losing. He replies, "good thing it's not a race". I am learning to trust that our baby will come in God's perfect timing, so in the meantime I should enjoy my time alone with my husband because that will be a rare thing to come by once the kids start coming.

The biggest thing that I have been reassured during this time, is that God loves me. He is not punishing me. He loves me so much that he wants me to grow. He wants to stretch me. Children being so incredibly close to my heart makes this time hard, but also an amazing opportunity to grow. It tests my faith, and reassures me that I am in control of nothing that God alone is the one who is in control.

Suffering shouldn't be a "why me?" time, but rather a time that we can thank God for not leaving us in the same spot. Thank you for stretching me, it's uncomfortable, but necessary. The valley's are hard, so don't let them go to waste. Grow to your full potential!

I look forward to seeing you guys at the banquet! We have an amazing line up of items for the silent auction! I'm going to release a list on the blog relatively soon so you guys have an idea of what's going to be there! Invite your friends and family, everyone you know! We'll see you there.

The Process

I know, you're thinking, two posts in one day... What? I've been working a bit more lately and haven't had time to update much.... and I had two completely differing thoughts, so we split them up into two posts. So here. we. go.

I get a lot of questions about the process of the adoption, how we chose an agency, why we are adopting from Florida, and where we are at now. So I wanted to kind of use this post as a way of telling you some of the steps in this process and where are are at now.

So when deciding to pursue an international adoption in Saskatchewan, you first need to file an application with the Ministry of Social and Services and be approved by them for this adoption. On the application, you must have already picked a country to adopt from and one specific agency to work with. The agency we are working with is called adoption by Shepherd care. They are located in Florida and we chose them for many reasons. When I began contacting agencies from the list of legitimate, qualified agencies (that I got from social services), many of them didn't get back to me very quickly, some not at all! It was an incredibly frustrating time. This agency got back to me quickly, continued to answer my ridiculous amount of questions and were amazing about it. That was a huge thing for me, if I was going to be spending big bucks, I wanted to at least do it with an agency that communicates well with us. One of the biggest contributing factors in the decision though, for us, was this agencies experience with adopting children specifically to Saskatchewan. They adopt many children every year to Canada, and did about 5-6 adoptions to Saskatchewan alone last year. Seeing as we have no idea what's what and this is so new to us, we really valued their experience. The one downfall, that we found with this agency, was simply that because so many Canadians want to adopt from the USA, their Canadian program was currently closed (to keep wait times short) and would be for about another six months. We didn't really want to wait, but we found that this agency was worth a few extra months of childlessness.

So we filled out our application for Social services, picked the agency. We then had to meet with Social Services and there they kind of got to know us and see why we wanted to adopt, etc, etc and we were approved by Saskatchewan ministry of Social Services! The next step is to get the home study portion done. The home study involves a qualified person, coming into your home and going through your life with a fine toothed comb. From financials, to sex, to views on disciplining..... it will be very invasive.... they want to make sure that we aren't psychos and are going to care for the child we are going to adopt. As a side note.... to go through all this... as it's not a simple process.... you would really need a desire to want and love that child, so I don't know who would do this to get a child to neglect... just saying! Anyways this is currently where we are. We haven't quite started our home study process, but anticipate it will be beginning soon. We are waiting to get the go ahead from our agency in the USA. Your home study needs to be update annually, so we don't want to waste time and money by having it done too early. Timing is key!

So after the home study is finished. The social worker person that does our home study will write up a report and we will then apply to our agency. Based on our application and the home study report, the agency will then accept us (I have been reassured that we will really only be denied if we are crazies, have histories that we haven't been honest about, etc... so we should be good) and then we will be actively waiting. Thankfully during this time that we have been waiting for the agency, we have been able to work on our adoption profile. This is what prospective birth moms will look at when choosing which family to place their baby with. Ours is still getting perfected, but should be ready soon!

So there are a couple ways our story could work out. A mom who is pregnant usually 4-5 months will pick us and then we will wait the arrival of our little one! Or we could receive a phone call saying that a mom did pick us and the baby is sitting in the hospital waiting for us to come get it ! (this thought kind of scares me a bit). So when a mom picks us, we will receive a file on her and her health history and all the info pertaining to the baby's prenatal health and what not and we can choose to accept or deny the offer.

Once our baby is born, the mom will sign the adoption papers either two days after birth or upon her discharge from the hospital, whichever is first. Once she has signed, she can't change her mind. There is no revocation period in the state of Florida. So we will then go down to Florida, pick up our baby, stay there for about a week to figure out all the legal stuff, immigration stuff and then return to Canada with our baby! After our return we have some post placement studies that need to be done with the person who did our home study. Then we update the mom monthly on baby for the first year and then annually until baby is 18.

So that's the process in a nutshell. We have started fundraising so early because where we are at right now.... everything from this point on costs money. Our home study costs about $2000 (not including potential updates or post placement studies), when we apply and get accepted to the agency we have to pay about another $2000, when a birth mother picks us and we accept we need to pay between $5000 - $8000 to help pay for her expenses (living expenses, counselling, medical bills, etc) and when we go down to get our child we will need to pay the $14,000 in agency fees as well as a lot of money for all the different legal documents and passports and what not that we will need in order to bring our baby back to Canada. None of this includes our travel expenses.

As far as a wait time, Once we are in with the agency, the agency says the wait time is about 9 - 18 months.

So, I hope I was able to as clearly as possible explain a bit of the process! Citizenship and Immigration is another huge thing that I still haven't wrapped my head around, so maybe I'll explain that when I understand it!

Look forward to seeing you guys at the banquet! Buy tickets now!

Overwhelmed.... with love.

When we started throwing around the idea of fundraising, I was really unsure and unsettled about the idea. I was really scared to put myself out there, I was worried people would think it was unethical to raise money to help "purchase a baby", and I was just not sure about it. Now that we have put ourselves out there, I have to say that I really do feel uncomfortable with it all, but in a good way. Let me explain.

For another tidbit of background on me: I grew up with no friends. My friends were incredibly inconsistent and I was the child that everyone made fun of since forever. My sister on the other hand had awesome friends, was always surrounded by friends, some of which that she met in elementary school - and she still hangs out with them today. I was always jealous of that. Because of many things in my life, and my lack of popularity being one, I have always been very insecure with myself and it has been extremely hard for me to accept love from people. When Justin and I started dating, it took a very long time for me to be able to accept a compliment from him, I always put those comments down, and even today I still struggle with fully accepting the love that my husband wants to give me.

So when we decided to fundraise, I was all "I'll take people's money, no problem. If they're giving, I'll take it!" But in reality, it is an incredibly humbling experience. It's not easy to take people's money because of the love that accompanies it. Love that I wasn't even aware of.... that was completely unexpected.

Finances aside, this entire experience has really opened my eyes to the people that love and support Justin and I. I am so blown away from the love and vulnerability of others, and I feel so incredibly privileged to be able to know people in a much deeper way. This time in my life, has really opened up some amazing doors in relationships I have with others, and honestly I love it.

I just wanted you guys to know that we are feeling all of this, everyday. This love is so incredibly overwhelming and I just wanted to say thanks. The scary part is that we have only just begun on this long fundraising journey! We are now over $2000! but we have a long ways ahead of us... and I'm looking forward to being overwhelmed then too.

Thank you so much from the bottom of my broken heart - your love and support for us has cast out my fears of not being popular enough, or pretty enough, or cool enough, and has helped me accept that other people do love and accept me, so maybe it's about time I do that too.

Today I am incredibly overwhelmed with the love and generosity from the people around me and thanks doesn't even begin to share how grateful I am (and Justin too) for all your love, kind words, and money. You guys are pretty awesome, so thanks!

Blessings in disguise

As painful as it is the not be having babies the 'usual' way, I have been blown away by the love but also some unexpected conversations with people. I have been amazed to talk with people that have direct experiences with adoption or infertility. These conversations have been a huge encouragement to me during this time, and I want to thank everyone who has done this. You know who you are. I love to be able to be real with people, and now that I have exposed a very hard time in my life, I have been blessed to see other's hidden, hurtful areas. As hard as it is, I love it. So I just wanted to say thanks for being awesome you guys. Thanks for putting yourself out there, I appreciate it.

Although this time is very painful, I have really been blessed by these encounters. They have really encouraged me in the decision Justin and I have made. And some days, I really need people's unconditional support for our decision. We know that we want to adopt and that this is the path God has chosen for us, but there are some days that I think it will take so long, and it will be too painful, but I also know it will be worth it in the end.

Since beginning this process, somedays I feel like I'm on edge. I have never really been anxious before, and it drives me crazy how anxious I get some days. I know that I struggle a lot with trusting God's provision in this situation. I'm anxious about if someone will choose us, I'm anxious about not being ready for the baby when it comes and I'm anxious about all the fundraising. I have this huge fear that no one will come to our banquet. But I know this is not true (as a side note, please buy tickets soon so I can give the caterer numbers!). I find that these occasional encounters with people have really calmed me, and reassured me that this is what is supposed to happen.

So on a side note, I wanted to let you guys know that we have many items coming together for our silent auction, so please come and bring your wallets with you! I am contributing a hand made Dr. Seuss quilt, that is going to be completely awesome. It has helped put my mind at ease during this time, and has also helped me expand my craftiness. I'm trying a new technique that I have never done before on any of the other quilts I have made, you'll have to come to the banquet to check it out!

So please bring everyone you know to the banquet. Please if you feel compelled to talk to me about a situation that you are in or have experienced, don't be afraid. I really love having these conversations with people, even though it usually ends with both us crying. Thank you guys for being awesome.

See you guys at the banquet.

Left behind.

Everyone seems to be getting pregnant and moving forward in their life. Everyone gets to post all their happy pictures of them holding a positive pee stick on facebook and everyone in the world is so excited for them. I deeply want to be excited for people, but how is it that a moment of excitement and extreme joy in someone else's world can so quickly turn my world upside down? How come I sometimes avoid going places because I know pregnant people will be there, and I just won't be able to handle that? How messed up is that?

Obviously, I know that this issue has nothing to do with anyone else but me. I feel like the world's worst person when all I want to do is cry when people announce their pregnancies, but I honestly don't feel extremely happy for others, I just feel extreme jealousy and pain that I can't do that.

Today is one of those days where I'm really saying "why me, God". My entire life I have wanted to be loved by an amazing man, and be able to have a family with him. God blessed me beyond belief with Justin and I wouldn't have it any other way, but why the infertility? It really makes me wonder what God is thinking. I know I'll be better in the end because of it, as we grow the most during the difficult times in our lives, but I'm really not happy about this whole situation. I want to be pregnant, I want to do it the same way everyone else does.

I feel like I'm just a huge ball of emotions.... like a million emotions all at once. Because even though I'm so jealous and angry and hurt.... all I want to do is be around babies. I just want to hold babies all the time, and cry while doing it. That's what I want to do.

It feels like everyone else in the world gets to run ahead, all happy and stuff with their exciting pregnancies and visibly growing families.... and I get to stay back here, left behind answering people's questions about infertility and adoption. I feel so left in the dark and like it's never going to be light again. Infertility is such a dark place sometimes, and I really hate it. I do look forward to seeing and meeting my baby for the first time, but what if no one picks us? What if we have to wait another few years? I feel like I can't handle much more of this, let alone another few years....

I have more questions than answers today. Why are the people who are abusive and don't want their kids able to have kids? I guess this is just how it is living in a fallen world. Luckily, I have a strong faith and I understand that being Christian doesn't mean life is easy. I know that bad things happen to good people, but God is in control and only gives us what we can handle (even though most days I don't really feel like I can say "I got this"). He's in control and as frustrated or angry that makes me at him in this moment now, I know that I will be feeling something completely different in a year or two from now. Maybe that's how I get through each day, knowing it won't be like this forever.

Along with my infertility feelings and my empty womb, I worry about money. I worry about money much more than I should. Now that I am working full time, Justin and I make a decent salary. We are trying to save up to buy a house. Our current place that we rent has severe mould issues in the basement and we don't want to expose any newborn to the potential health risks associated with our current cheap, but death-trapish of a house (hopefully neither one of us come out with lung cancer in the future due to this place). So saving up for a house, oh right and saving for a baby, because unlike the rest of the world, we can't just grow one, equals incredibly unsettled Charissa. I am open to receiving donations from people, to do fundraisers etc etc, but I don't want people to feel like we aren't putting anything into our adoption. I know that thought is a lie, because obviously we are putting a lot into it. Financially, we have contributed the most into our current adoption fund. We are selling our possessions to afford a baby, we will be the ones who will need to pay if we can't fundraise the entire amount. And emotionally.... everything I do pretty much is working towards getting a baby. I guess I need to chill out.... the haters are gonna hate, and I should just be able to deal with that. I'm not sure why I'm so worried about what people think, because when it comes down to it, the people that know me and love me, they are the ones who opinions matter. Their opinions are the ones that will come from seeing first hand the stress, hurt, pain and all the different areas that are effected in my life from infertility.

Sorry, today is like just an outpour of stress and emotions.... and that's how I feel. Not just about one infertility topic.... I stress about so much, everything that's in the picture. Sigh.

In other news. I'm pretty sure our paypal donate button still works.... no one has tried it out in a while, so maybe you should (just joking, but not really). Also our tickets for our fundraising banquet are available tomorrow! Hot off the press! Invite everyone you know... literally. You will be able to buy tickets through Justin and I, my sister and brother in law, Courtney and Cam Liske and also through my brother, Carlen Selinger. You can send me a facebook message or you can comment on the blog, we will get in contact with you to get you your tickets.

Thanks for the love, thanks for reading and experiencing this with us.