Hey everyone, I wanted first off just to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope your holidays are filled with joy, family and lots of love! Of course Christmas is a very important celebration in our Christian faith as we celebrate Jesus being born and becoming the man who would came to save us all! This is truly the most wonderful gift that anyone could every receive, so thank you Jesus!
Christmas time - as much as I love it - has been a bit tough. The tradition of giving gifts just seems to be meaningless and is starting to frustrate me. I know as a child, I was so self centred and would get everything I wanted for Christmas because I was spoiled rotten. This year as we have a few gift exchanges happening within our family, I find that not only do I not need anything - I don't want anything. Or at least I don't want anything that anyone in my family can give me. This Christmas I would like to become a mom, but I'm not sure that I will be getting what I want for Christmas this year.
It's been such a roller coaster the past few weeks, because I had been doing quite well. People had been encouraging me a lot and it was good. But along with all those things, I have also been feeling a lot of spiritual warfare happening within myself: waking up several nights a week to bad dreams, having days where all I can hear are lies that relate to how I am feeling, and experiencing a complete lack of all motivation to do anything including getting out of bed. This roller coaster is very frustrating to me.
Justin and I have been faced with some stuff we aren't sure about as well. I had contacted the agency and in the past they had told me that our profile had been shown 1-2 times to potential birth moms. In this past email they said that we haven't been shown at all and this is very unusual for how long we have been waiting (picture heart being stabbed here). So I'm not sure where the confusion has taken place or really what's going on there. Justin and I had briefly considered changing our range of acceptance, but feel that we aren't comfortable doing this. It's been a frustrating week. Not sure that there is really anything that we have control over in this time. And trying to keep my trust in God knowing that it will work out when the time is right, even though the longer this goes on it feels like the time is getting wronger and wronger. I know I have absolutely no control over this issue, but God does. So keep praying that he would remember us, sometimes we feel extremely forgotten about.
As we enter into the Christmas season, I just want to encourage you to help or bless someone who needs it. I'm finding that because we are in a tougher spot this year, that Christmas is feeling a bit difficult. SO pray for the people that you know are hurting, try to bless those who are in need. We have so much, and I feel so incredibly guilty watching the ridiculous amount of money that is spent to spoil children who don't have a single need. But there is plenty of need out there. Try to bless someone who needs it this Christmas season. I believe those are the gifts that are meaningful and what giving gifts is truly about at this time of year.
Merry Christmas!
