Baby, come soon.

I have always been a very impatient person. I want things now, I don't want to wait unnecessarily for them. I feel like my years of praying for patience have now been thrown into this adoption process, and I really just wish that I didn't have to learn patience by waiting, because I'm starting to become impatient. Ok, the truth is I'm past the point of impatience.

It's funny how different forms of waiting can completely change what's going on. Two weeks ago we were not actively waiting. We were waiting to get onto a list where we would wait some more, but could at any moment become parents. I so looked forward to the day we would be active. Well that day has come and gone - we were active as of last week, which is exciting, but I don't understand how knowing that I am on a different list has changed so much within in me in such a short amount of time.

I am having a really hard time waiting. The fact that someone could just pick up the phone and be like "hey, do you want this baby?" excites me, but at the same time I find myself more hopeless than I have been in a long time. I get to the point where I am so excited that it could happen soon (and I think we are going to be great parents- so why wouldn't anyone pick us after looking at our profile?) that I expect every call to be from the agency. All those weird telemarketer numbers - I get disappointed when it isn't the agency. Messages on the answering machine - it's just work wanting to know if I can work again. And already I find myself in a place where I get too hopeful, that I end up frustrated, sad, hurt and even more impatient in the end. It's not right for me to expect that I get chosen one day off the wait list, but it's not going to be an eternity either, even though it feels like it now.

People mean well - they really do. And I probably do a good job at hiding how hard actively waiting has been on me, but I told Justin the other day that I wish people would stop asking me about it. You asked me last week if we have heard anything - it's been one week… still nothing has changed. Remember when I said it is slow and takes time… ya we are still in that slowness. And it's hard when everyone is constantly asking "any news, any news?". Well I just want to suggest something to you. Do you think that I will be able to contain my excitement when we are matched with a child? The answer is no. I'm pretty sure every person in existence will know about our baby, that will be such a wonderful day.

I don't want to discourage you guys from asking about our adoption, because it is good for me to talk about it. I'm just having a hard time with this active waiting stuff - hoping it won't be too long. I feel like I almost can't plan my life because "when are the babies going to come?" Well, I sure hope it's soon, because the inside of my head isn't a great place to be so far in this time of actively waiting.

Who knew that being on a different list could make my waiting so much different and harder- but in the meantime I'm starting some nesting - just bought a whole bunch of cloth diapers the other day. We will be ready when that baby comes… and please baby, come soon.

2013 in review, forward into 2014!

Hello Everyone!

As we have jumped forward into the new year I just wanted to take some time and reflect on the past year and where we have come. This past year was a hard year for both Justin and I, but we have been stretched and truly changed by everything that has happened. We have been so blessed by the amazing love and support that has come from you through encouraging words, actions and finances. We again want to say thank you, for all you have done for us! We are nearly at $19,000 raised because of you! We have only felt love through this time and are so grateful for all of you!

Onward to the future. I received an email last week from our agency, stating that we would be removed from the wait list this week and put on the active list! Our worker said she would send out an email when that occurred, which hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will today or tomorrow. So we will be actually waiting soon. Just to clarify, when we applied to our agency, we were put on a wait list (not thee wait list but a wait list). When on the wait list you are just waiting for nothing, your profile doesn't get shown, you wait to be put on the active list. When we are on the active list - by the end of this week! - We could get a phone call at any time telling us that we have been matched to a pregnant mom, or a baby that has already been born. I tear up thinking that this is the next step for us, I'm truly so ridiculously excited!! So the agency will be showing our profile to pregnant moms and it's nice to know that at least we are getting out there and hopefully someone thinks we are awesome enough to raise their child(ren).

As we have dove head first into a new year, we look forward to getting that call telling us we are matched, hearing that our baby has been born, adoption papers signed, flying down to meet our little one(s) and bringing them home. I am confident that 2014 is going to be the best year ever because I will get to become a mom!

In the meantime I get to snuggle babies at work, and my sister also just had a baby two days ago! My beautiful new nephew - Judah - will be receiving a ton of aunty snuggles, as expected.

2014 has already been a great year, becoming active on the wait list, and a new nephew, I can't wait to see what else is going to happen in 2014!