Everyone has been constantly telling me how strong Justin and I are, to be able to share our experiences so openly. And that's honestly just who I am, and I'm thankful that I have been able to share it with you. I can't imagine going through this in the dark. But honestly that is a reality for many people who struggle with infertility, and I totally get why they choose to do it that way.
Putting aside all the comments that people say that are clearly not thought through, or the just plain ignorance or stupidity of people, many choose to go through infertility quietly so they aren't put under a label. No one wants to have the giant label of sterility across their foreheads, but sometimes it feels like it's permanently there. It becomes something you pity, or whisper to your friend: "see that couple, they can't have kids, it's so sad…". And even though you don't say these things directly to our faces (ok sometimes people do), we feel it. It comes across in the way you treat us. When I'm having a bad week and don't want to see anyone - it's ok. I'm not depressed. I'm still myself and having to grieve through some stuff. Also if I do see you, I don't need to be asked a very sad "so how are you doing, really?" If you genuinely ask me how I'm doing, without the sad face, I'll still tell you if I'm doing great or if I'm down in an unmentionable hole; I'm open enough to be honest.
Somedays I feel almost like I have a disease. People who are usually good friends to us seem to be tip toeing around us like we are fragile cracked china who will crumble into a thousand pieces if someone speaks louder than a whisper. This is not so. We are getting worn down through this process, yes, but we are still us. We can still laugh and joke about things, we are still ourselves. We need people who will keep treating us like us, because it's just awkward when you change on us like that.
There is a difference, however, in being sensitive to someone's feelings and treating them like they are about to break. I have appreciated when people ask if a subject of conversation is bothering me, most of the time it isn't. But thanks for the consideration.
I really want to just challenge everyone to be real with people. Be real with us, and others that are experiencing something similar. Don't tip toe around us, we wear big girl panties, we can take it. Try as hard as you can not to place that giant label on someone's forehead, it makes us feel a bit outcasted. And the truth of the matter is that the rate of infertility is continually on the rise. It would freak you out to know how many people have trouble getting pregnant, and the majority of these are young healthy people. Soon there will be more of us than you, haha, just joking, I really hope that never happens. But for reals, be real with people, understand there is a grieving process and that we sometimes just need some space.
