The Journey so far.....

Hey everyone.... I really want this blog to be a safe space that I can share with you what's going on in mine and Justin's life right now. This topic is so close to my heart that it hurts me every single day. But, I want you all to know about it so that you can live this with us. Here's our story.

I love kids. I love babies. I always have and always will. I was made to be a mom. I have always dreamt of the moment that I would become pregnant. How I would creatively tell my family, jump around and squeal with them in excitement. How I would get to experience one of God's most amazing creations - a human being, growing inside of me. I would get to think of baby names, make a nursery, wait to go into labour. I always wanted to know how good my pain tolerance was... and I thought labour would really reveal that. I wanted to experience that complete exhaustion after giving birth and simultaneous joy as your baby gets put on your chest for the first time, when you get see their face for the first time. I dreamt of my little children looking just like their dad: Blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful, full of energy and a zest for life. This is no longer a realistic dream for me.... and it cuts into me every single day.

When we decided to start trying for a family, we decided to get Justin tested, as we know he has a family history of some infertility. Surely enough Justin has a condition called congenital absence of the vas deferens (CAVD), which essentially means he makes sperm but he is missing some of the plumbing that gets his sperm out of his body. He was born with a vasectomy.

Justin was just diagnosed last week. It's been a long 4 month (ish) wait for us to get a definite diagnosis. And honestly, from the first lab test where it read that Justin had no sperm, we knew we weren't going to be having kids the 'usual' way.

I have considered deleting facebook nearly everyday.... someone has either had a baby, or is announcing their pregnancy (at least one per week). Please understand, I love you all and are so excited for you guys, but I'm so jealous in those moments. I do wish that was me, however, I know that I get to experience this for a reason and I know I will become a better person because of it.

So, Justin and I want to announce to you that we have decided to adopt a baby. We have been approved by Saskatchewan Social Services and our home study will be beginning soon. We have created and are still perfecting our adoption profile. We are adopting a newborn from the USA. (in saskatchewan the wait time for a newborn is about 7 - 10 years). Adoption doesn't come cheap and it's truly the calling that we feel towards it that has kept us going in this process. Adoptions can cost between $26,000 and $40,000 USD. I know. It's ridiculous. It's a lot of money. Needless to say, Justin and I aren't millionaires. We need help. We have started saving our pennies (literally, we had $7 in pennies in our house!) and selling things and putting the profits into our baby jar. However, we won't be able to raise $35,000 on our own. We have many fundraising strategies that we are putting into place, one of which will be announced in the next few days! Stay Tuned! But I will let you know that if you are interested in just giving us money, I will be adding a paypal "donate" button to this blog in the next couple days. This will allow you to donate to our adoption through paypal, or by using your credit card. This money will go directly into a separate account that we have opened for our adoption.

If you are unable to support us financially, we ask that you please pray for us. This process is incredibly difficult, and we know that God is the one who provides for us, comforts us and gives us strength in each day. It's with his help that we will be able to sanely make it through this process!!

I also just want to say thanks for reading, thanks for your love, and your kind words. It's incredibly difficult to put myself out there like this, so thanks. I also just want to encourage you to share our blog, our fundraisers and our story with others around you. We are really looking for help from everyone!

Thanks for reading. Please check back regularly as we update you on our thoughts, experiences and upcoming fundraisers!