So, let's talk about it.

So I've have really been wanting to share with everyone what is truly one of the hardest parts of dealing with infertility. Yes, the infertility itself sucks, the lack of children just appearing in your arms also sucks, and so does watching everyone else have children, but that isn't the most difficult part of it. For me, the most difficult part is talking to people about it, let me explain what I mean.

The 1st type of person that is hard to talk to, is the person you rarely see, one you really don't have a relationship with. The ones that love to ask "when are you having children". I really don't know how people would respond if I just said "my husband is sterile", but I've kind of been wanting to try it out, and maybe make them reconsider asking that question again, but I know I would feel horrible after the fact. I don't know why people think this is a 'how is the weather' topic. But as someone who won't be 'having children' anytime soon, please stop asking people this question. Justin and I have been really open with the people who are close to us in our lives. Our family and our friends know about this issue and have known from the start. I guess what I'm trying to explain to people is: yes I know that we live in a society that has no boundaries.... people want to know everything, but this is literally none of your business. Making a baby is between a husband, a wife and God. I don't mean to sound rude.... but someone needs to tell you guys to stop asking.... because it hurts.... a lot. And frankly, we don't know what people are going through. I know that I have asked this question before, and I'm pretty sure, I will never ask it again. I just ask that you carefully think of the words you are saying to people before you say them, because even if you don't know it, they are hard to hear and may hurt. Infertility is on the rise in our culture, a ton of people are going through it, and not everyone is as open about it as we are, so please think about that. Even if Justin and I decided to have kids 6 years ago, when we were 20- we wouldn't be able to. We are young and infertile, it happens a lot. So I hope that you have gained a bit of perspective on this topic and will think twice before asking someone when the little ones will be appearing.

The 2nd type of person I have a really hard time talking with are people that know what we are going through and really want to love us and comfort us by using words. I know that people want to fix our problem and make us feel better, but I ask you if this is the case please stop using words, because again they hurt much more than if you would say nothing. I have had so many "God has a plan! He could work a miracle and make you pregnant!" Ok... I know God has a plan, I'm already pretty ticked off about God's plan.... I know his plan and for us, it's adoption. Secondly, I am a person that grabs on to every single string of hope and holds onto it for dear life. I believe in miracles, but if I went around every month believing God was going to make me pregnant this month, I would be suicidal when my period came. The third comment always gets me as well "so and so were told they would never have children and now they have 25". Good for so and so. My name is Charissa and my husband is sterile. Although I know in my heart that you are all meaning well - it's easy for people who don't face this problem to want to try and offer reassurance and comfort. But some days this isn't possible, and please know that I would love to chat and take hugs as you give them freely, but these words aren't going to profoundly change the situation and a lot of times words make it worse. Please I ask, use actions, not words. They are so much more comforting.

The last person I'm going to talk about is a positive one, and it's my sister - Courtney. My sister is freaking awesome and I just really want her as well as every person that ever lived to know that. My sister has two beautiful kids (yes, I have already joked about kidnapping them - my niece looks and acts just like me.... no one would know...JK), these kids are a big part of my world. On the day that we received confirmation of Justin's sperm test, I was working nights. So I had gotten home around 8am, went to bed, woke up around 10 or so to go to the Dr., got the results, texted my sister, came home and went back to bed. My sister- on her lunch break- came over to my house, crawled into my bed and cried with me for about half an hour. Yes, she said a few words here and there, but she just sat there and hurt with me. I have never felt so much love in my life. And through this entire experience so far.... that is my favourite moment.

Too often we get too concerned with how people will perceive us if we show emotions, and as a highly emotional person, who loves to be real, crying with someone was way better than crying alone and being told everything will be ok. At the same time, it's really hard to be open and exposed like that. I do hate crying in front of people, but honestly, that's what I do these days, I cry.

As we share with you guys, we know you want to help us feel better, but all we want is for people to hurt with us, to do life with us. We do appreciate your prayers and your kind words, but please know that a hug is worth more than we could ever ask for on most days. We really need a village built up around us, to hurt with us, to walk through this with us.

I also want to reassure people... if you have said some of the things mentioned above, don't worry about it. I am not harbouring any resentful feelings or anything. But this is a really important topic to me as I have really experienced first hand how a few words that someone didn't even think about ruined my day. I decided that blogging about this was a better option than blowing up on people. On here, I can think about my words, change them. In conversation, while I'm hurting, all that would be said would come from emotions running high and I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to encourage people to think before they speak. Consider how well you know that person, and if what you are asking or saying is for their benefit or for yours. Majority of time, it's for you. Silence is incredibly powerful.... try it out sometime.

Again, thank you so much for all your love, prayers and support! We love you guys, and are truly blessed by the people that surround us.