So I know that no one wishes suffering on themselves, and even though that I would love to be able to get pregnant easily, these are cards that I have been dealt, and I know that it was for a reason. So many of us during times of suffering kind of sit in our little corner and cry to God saying, why me? Believe me, I've been there many of times. But as I'm maturing, I have really begun to learn that it is during these times that we are able to grow the most. Throughout the ups and downs in life, it's not the mountaintops that challenge you to grow, it's the valleys. The darker times of life can be really difficult, but they are a time for incredible growth and change. Rather than fighting this growth, I'm trying to embrace this time in my life and find out what God has in store for me.
There are a few things that I have learnt so far. The first one is that I'm not alone. As someone who hasn't maintained a lot of friendships and was bullied in school, I don't trust people easily and really hate meeting new people. I like sticking with people I know and playing it a bit safe. I also do not like to ask for help from others. God has really been challenging me in this area. It's really important for us to be "members of one body" and step up and help each other out when needed. How are people going to know if there is a need, if you don't ask? I have been blown away by the amount of love and support we have gotten during this time. It's been pretty neat. I've even had the pleasure of forming new relationships and making friends with people I didn't really know before, what a blessing! At the same time, I have also been able to relate with people in their times of hurt with infertility issues, so that's a really cool thing too.
A big thing that I am learning is to trust in God's provision. To trust that because he has called us to adoption, he's not going to leave us hanging with a $30K bill. Planning the fundraising banquet has been busy and stressful. Selling tickets - I hate selling things and feel like I am burdening someone every time I ask. I know that whether we have 80 people or 300, God is going to provide what is meant to be provided at that time. I am learning what it really means to give everything to God, and just leave it at his feet. I need not be anxious about this.... God's got it.
Another lesson I have learnt is that I have a really cool husband and I should enjoy the time we have to ourselves. I have really struggled in being content in the now. I always look forward to the future. Constantly wanting what's next. I often compare myself to other people my age and tell Justin if it was a race, we're losing. He replies, "good thing it's not a race". I am learning to trust that our baby will come in God's perfect timing, so in the meantime I should enjoy my time alone with my husband because that will be a rare thing to come by once the kids start coming.
The biggest thing that I have been reassured during this time, is that God loves me. He is not punishing me. He loves me so much that he wants me to grow. He wants to stretch me. Children being so incredibly close to my heart makes this time hard, but also an amazing opportunity to grow. It tests my faith, and reassures me that I am in control of nothing that God alone is the one who is in control.
Suffering shouldn't be a "why me?" time, but rather a time that we can thank God for not leaving us in the same spot. Thank you for stretching me, it's uncomfortable, but necessary. The valley's are hard, so don't let them go to waste. Grow to your full potential!
I look forward to seeing you guys at the banquet! We have an amazing line up of items for the silent auction! I'm going to release a list on the blog relatively soon so you guys have an idea of what's going to be there! Invite your friends and family, everyone you know! We'll see you there.
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