Hey everyone, I've been trying to get consistent in my blogging but it seems like I do a couple and then completely forget, so here's a bit of an update blog.
Mother's day happened in May, and I think that was kinda sucky. I remember last year on Mother's day, I was hoping that Mother's day 2014 would be a day that I was actually a Mother. And here we are a few weeks later, still no baby…. I think the hardest thing for me, is not being jealous of people having babies - it's being jealous of people that will have 2 - 3 kids in the time it will take us to get our baby. There are people I know that are pregnant for the second time since we started our adoption process, I find that hard. Almost like people are hogging the babies… only I know they aren't. Once again, it's hard to stand still while everyone else doesn't.
I have been in a really low place in the last few months. Feeling like all my hope is gone, not wanting to leave my house, see people or really do anything. But at the same time, I hassle Justin that we never do anything and that I want to do stuff, but when it comes down to it, I really don't. What a weird place to be. As mentioned before, I don't feel depressed, I just feel really discouraged and quite hopeless on a lot of days. Because of this I have been having the worst attitude, and God has really convicted me of this in the past week or so.
As I have been trying to adjust my attitude, to stop feeling sorry for myself and mope in my hopelessness - I have been diving into a book of the bible that I find very encouraging when I get like this. The book of James.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:2-5.
I have been lacking peace, and patience. So I have been asking God for these things, but at the same time I know patience is developed by waiting. So here I am, continuing to wait, but hoping to do it with a better attitude. I am also lacking children, so I will continue to pray that God will end our wait soon.
Life throws a lot of hard times our way, it's part of living. I'm making a choice to do it with a better attitude. One that clings to the truth that God's timing is always perfect, and the match that he has for us is the best one ever. So in the mean time, I'm trying to be full of hope, because in Jesus, there is nothing but hope. And he's got my back.
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