Thou shalt not Covet

Hey there everyone! Sorry for the lack of blogging, it has been such a whirlwind since I have gotten home from Africa, but it has been really good. I came back from Africa incredibly refreshed and feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. So nice to be me again!

One thing that was such an amazing lesson for me while I was in Africa is how they but God first because they have so little. They are poor, have no other choice but to put their faith first. We tend to trust in our science and our possessions above God in North America. And after being home for nearly three weeks, I feel like I'm falling back into this 'false faith'. I know that no matter how much I work, or buy stuff or whatever, any faith that is put in myself or my stuff over my faith in God and his provision - is not real faith. I have been there, I have been that person that does more, does the best and burns out and ends up depressed at the end of it. I have pushed my physical body so hard that my mind just gave up. It has gotten me nowhere and I know that that path will continue to get me nowhere. I can't be my own Saviour - that's Jesus's job that he has long past accomplished, I just need to embrace it.

Where I am at now is this. I have come home from Africa where there are orphans everywhere, where people have nothing. I have returned to North America where we all have so much money and spend it on ridiculous things (myself included). I listen to my husband talk about these 7 thousand square foot homes that he is working in... and I think if some rich person would just give me another $15,000 I could have a baby. I find that my heart is really going towards coveting people's money. And honestly, my motivation for coveting is my desire to be a mom - but it's still wrong. I still need to trust in God's provision. HE is my provider and HIM alone!

Justin and I spent my birthday doing a ridiculous amount of running around, jumping through all the lovely hoops that you have to for your home study. We feel a little bit like circus monkeys. At one point after we had almost finished all of our running around, Justin looked at me and said "this is so stupid. Anyone else can just have babies". We are frustrated that A. there are so many orphans out there, that we can't just pick one up and give that child a good home B. there are people out there that are horrible enough that we need to go through this extensive process to even adopt a child and mostly C. Majority of the world can just have babies willy nilly, whether they are able to care for them or not.

It's hard to be back in the process. But as frustrating as it is. We know that we are where we are supposed to be. We are getting so excited for the baby that will be ours one day. We know that God will never call us to a situation that we can't get through - even financially. Most of all we know that God has plans bigger than we will ever understand, and that his will is the one that matters.

Pray for us as we continue through our home study and as we continue to save and fundraise for the cost of our adoption. Also, have you bought a puzzle piece yet? I have our puzzle put together with many people's names on it.... is yours on there? Five bucks is really not too much to spare... think about it. Hopefully in the next few days I will post a picture of the names on the back of the puzzle at this point. We have two 300 piece puzzles to fill. So if you feel called to give to us, we along with our future baby are extremely thankful for your generosity.

As a last note I want to share something that really speaks volumes of where God has brought me through this process. I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always wanted to experience a pregnancy, give birth, all that stuff. Right now, I am so content with where we are, that I can honestly say were I to get pregnant I feel that I would be disappointed. I am so looking forward to the adoption, that I honestly do not have a desire to be pregnant right now. For those who know me, this is such a testament to what God has done in my heart and the calling he has placed in my life. He has done great things, and it is going to be an overwhelming blessing the day I get to meet the child he has picked out for me. This is really cool and my heart feels so blessed to be called to adoption - even though it's ridiculously hard. I know the day I meet my child, all this hard stuff will be almost forgotten. So worth it.